Down, But Not Out

I had a pretty shitty run today; not even a run - a walk. I'm not even going to log it. I'm just going to consider it a cross-train day. I went out this morning (on an empty stomach) ready to run. I had one of my best runs at 3:30 in the morning last Friday so I was expecting something similar. When that didn't happen I started analyzing my situation and trying to figure out what had gone wrong.

It was about 12 degrees warmer. I was carrying a water bottle this time, which was sloshing around annoyingly. I hadn't eaten anything before my run. Maybe my hard work and effort was waning due to an intense, rugged beginning? Unfortunately, introducing several variables into my second AM run left me frustrated and feeling inadequate. My immediate reaction: "I guess I'm just not a morning runner."

I'm trying to be realistic and understand that that's probably not the case. Again, with the introduction of several variables it's hard to pinpoint what it was precisely that made it so challenging this time. So, when in doubt experiment! Here is my approach, my thoughts on the matter, and a few supporting articles from www.runnersworld.com.

Time is going to pass so I may as well spend that time running. I'm going to run anyway so I may as well experiment with it a little. My fear: if I spend to much time dicking around with my workout regiment I am going to lose traction and be poorly prepared come half-marathon time. I'm going to keep running in the morning for the next two weeks, making small adjustments starting with eating something first. This also requires I go to bed earlier. I need to think about how to properly prepare for a morning run. When I run in the afternoon I spend all day planning when/what I'm going to eat, and drink lots of water, so that I'm properly fueled and hydrated for a good run. Given that I'm now sleeping when I would normally be prepping I need to change my approach. This is the part where I *hate* being a novice runner - I don't know what I'm doing!

I'll keep you posted. It's going to be a bumpy ride. In the words of Ray Arnold "Hold on to your butts!"

Here's some fun reads that I found helpful as I worked through this conundrum.

• Stress-Proof Your Running: specifically Maintain Rigid Performance Standards and Pursuing Perfection
• A Full Morning: specifically paragraph 8 which begins with "The American College of Sports and Medicine..."
• Easy Does It: how to run more effortlessly and get more out of your run

What Am I Doing?

I've been running, officially speaking, since October 3rd (which just happens to be my brother's birthday, but just a coincidence). I have good days and not-so-good days... mostly good days. Today, while sitting in Starbucks, two young girls walked in wearing tiny little running shorts and looking fairly fat free. Apparently when I ordered a non-fat latte I should've ordered a non-fat body.

So, needless to say this is one of the not-so-good days. I feel completely out of my element on this running thing. I've never done it before and don't really feel like I'm capable. Could I run a half-marathon? Sure, in about ten years. Unfortunately I have about twelve weeks. The biggest challenge is that I've never been anywhere close to physically fit. A couple years ago I got down to a tiny little size 4, probably the highlight of my life, but that didn't involve any exercise. This is a different beast altogether. I want to think I can, but my mantra "If you can't run 3 miles you sure as hell can't run 13" isn't very supportive of that fact, because quite frankly I can't run 3 miles, not without walking anyway.

It's easy to see where I'm at, and I see lots of versions of what I want to be running all around me... literally, but there is a disconnect between the two that I can't seem to mend. Instead of thinking that if I keep this up I'll get there slowly but surely, I'm keeping my eyes open for that worm hole that takes me from the here-and-now to the there-and-then. I want't to believe that I can do it, and most of the time I tell myself that, but every once in a while the positive cheerleader voice is overshadowed by the negative realist voice that says "If you can't run 3 miles you sure as hell can't run 13!"

I used to think that was a motivational saying, encouraging me to run those 3 miles so I could one day run 13, but I'm now realizing how destructive that statement really is and how important it is that I find a new one. I may as well be saying "You can't run 3 miles so you sure as hell can't run 13!" What the...?! Who's idea was it to use that awful mantra?

So, I need a new one and I'm open to suggestions. My goal today: go for an enjoyable run that involves me enjoying the act of running and not stressing about what I look like, or how unfit I am, or where the worm hole might be. I can't control any of these things; at least not today.