So, needless to say this is one of the not-so-good days. I feel completely out of my element on this running thing. I've never done it before and don't really feel like I'm capable. Could I run a half-marathon? Sure, in about ten years. Unfortunately I have about twelve weeks. The biggest challenge is that I've never been anywhere close to physically fit. A couple years ago I got down to a tiny little size 4, probably the highlight of my life, but that didn't involve any exercise. This is a different beast altogether. I want to think I can, but my mantra "If you can't run 3 miles you sure as hell can't run 13" isn't very supportive of that fact, because quite frankly I can't run 3 miles, not without walking anyway.
It's easy to see where I'm at, and I see lots of versions of what I want to be running all around me... literally, but there is a disconnect between the two that I can't seem to mend. Instead of thinking that if I keep this up I'll get there slowly but surely, I'm keeping my eyes open for that worm hole that takes me from the here-and-now to the there-and-then. I want't to believe that I can do it, and most of the time I tell myself that, but every once in a while the positive cheerleader voice is overshadowed by the negative realist voice that says "If you can't run 3 miles you sure as hell can't run 13!"
I used to think that was a motivational saying, encouraging me to run those 3 miles so I could one day run 13, but I'm now realizing how destructive that statement really is and how important it is that I find a new one. I may as well be saying "You can't run 3 miles so you sure as hell can't run 13!" What the...?! Who's idea was it to use that awful mantra?
So, I need a new one and I'm open to suggestions. My goal today: go for an enjoyable run that involves me enjoying the act of running and not stressing about what I look like, or how unfit I am, or where the worm hole might be. I can't control any of these things; at least not today.
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